FUCK LA OK .
i noe i very lan . i noe i mei you jiu le .
i should not have thought that you understood me . ok . i shld not have expect so much from you .
honestly you noe i am afraid of you ?! i'm afraid of your scoldings . fuck la ok . it's like just because i don wanna explain la .
so , i say i sick , do u really wan me end up in hospital tat type den u will believe ?
wadever i do got reason ok . i tot you would be a little more like joanna . u can noe wad i am thinking sometimes so i don realli nid to say . i expect more from you den pohlin .
u do noe how i think sometimes but i guess u dont .
hey . not onli you are the one who miss the times okays . i also okays . like joanna case . i so long . fucking long never see her etc . i still miss her i still think of her . don ASSUME CAN . i super don like ppl to asume cause they don understand me okays .
i dunno how u all will think of me and my reasons that is why i nv dared to tell u all the truth . compared to telling to someone like windy . wadever i do i have my reason okays .
like why will i block u . FINE . I TELL U . i dunno how to face u ok . i noe u super disappointed . but i don say . i'm a person who don really care abt impression left on ppl . but ... i tot u will noe .
sighs . looks like ... i really expect too much from a wrong person yea ? sighs . you all wanted me to change . and i did . and now it's like saying i changed den everything became bad . den wad u all wan me to do . i really really dunno . everytime seeing wad u all post .. i like macham no reaction . cause i don say . just tat .
today . i just have to say smth out okays . i'm a pure loner . okays . i hate it . i super hate it . if i don noe u all i dunno i will become wad . i am grateful ok . U ALL ASSUME agn . tat u all are forgotten . BUT I DONT OKAYS . have u all asked me before ? and i tot that u gonna get with me the tea ceromany tickets . den end up u said it was for myself . and i have been thinking shld i go . since onli left me . i wanted to say forget it . i think i really shld .
i wont go for jap class . i wont go for guitar lesson . i noe that if i see u , i'll rmb everything . i don wanna be emo anymore . it's been so long . ahh . i hate myself . i kip avoiding stuffs . i cant face it . i'm scared i'm really too scared . i'm liddat maybe . alot of things i don say wont say . no matter how troubled i am , i kip it to myself .
i shall just say ok .
gwen - she also busy with her stuffs i hardly can see her besides guitar .
pohlin - she too nowadays is busy . i spent almost my everyday with her. i miss her so much . but . i din say . i wanted to go out with her so much . but i noe that will cause her to spend money which she nids to save .
as for you snow- u have work . u're busy on ur own .
it's the exact same thing tat is happening . u all are busy on the days i am free and when i am free u all are busy .
snow , do u noe i intended to make a special bento just for u today when i see u in lesson but . i wont go already . i lost all mood to do it . i'm crying like fuck ok .
i was super enthu in going sch , why why must i go ur blog , why must i see that post . why must i lose all my mood . my motivation to even go sch already . i don wan the past to come back i really dont . ..
i was so enthu into going the tea ceremony with u guys , i was so enthu on going seiransai . i guess ... it wont happen already..
9/10/2009 02:12:00 AM my heartful song Y
