♪ My HEARTFUL Song ♫

Sunday, June 29, 2008

sighs .. ii feel so... sighs... fuck la . why am ii feeling like this sias . T.T omg . it's unexplainable . emo emo emo .

6/29/2008 09:37:00 PM my heartful song Y

fuck fuck fuck . i'm so damn confused . sighs . who can help me ? ii don wan . don wan anything to happen sighs . how how how ?! sighs . stop stop stop it ~! omg . fuck la . CONFUSED ME

6/29/2008 12:56:00 AM my heartful song Y

Saturday, June 21, 2008

din wanna go yishun.. to me that place very sensitive le . hate it . sighs . jo also noe she forced me to go . ii feel so fuck lors.. like betray myself knowing how damn reluctant ii am to go .. noe ii will sad and end up killing myself bud ii still went ii noe sure will have thing happen derhhs sighs . and ii realli realli hate it alot alot . bud still sighs .. ii have to go . quarrelled with my mum caused of that . joanna yong be honoured .. and don trick me in coming yishun . ii will come onli if the time is right ....yes my frens are there true.. cried already quarrelled already . all the sad and fucked up things sighs . first thing step into yishun see a .................... peson liaos . fuck lors.. spoil my entire mood . at that point of time . ii was like stoned shocked pierced . fuck la . stone see who is that . realise den shocked . den pain shoot in .. so pierced . understand ? sighs . wadever la . den johnathan hai mi got cut on my leg T.T today walked and walked and walked alot xD so cool hehhs xDD exercised alot xDD hohoho ..

happy part . saw her~~~~~~~~~~~~~ HAHAHAHAHA XD and ii get to talk to her wohoos xDDD and korkor zai wo on bicycle soooooooooooooooo fun la xDDD kor ii wait for euu ride agn okayys .

kor den sent me and jo home .. noe jo very very sad . bud no matter how much ii say she also wont listen soooo nvm bahhs ... hmmms...ii noe she love derek alot . noe she wanna be with him alot ... bud ii cant force her to leave yishun ppl cause of me esp derek . derek pull her back .. she comfirm will stay de .. so ii just sacrifice bahhs .. silently agn .. sighs .. shall just pray hard really for the day to come so my suffering will end . i'm DESPERATELY SERIOUS . SIGHS . dunno la . don wanna think . don wanna care too . argh . dunno how to say la ok . sighs . just end it with this stupid fucking yishun thing ~!!!!! tat's all ii can think now. memories yes have bud like ii said i'm putting it all into the past .... so ii cant be bothered anymore ~! understand ?! i'm not running .. i'm trying to "heal" myself ..liddat ii cant even heal myself so why not let me rot and die manx . if this drags on anymore ii prepare myself for death already . i'm serious . sighs .

II AM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~I KNOW II WAN TO WRITE OUT EVERYTHING I FEEL ETC BUD WHY WHY WHY CANT I OMG . I FEEL LIKE BASHING THE DAMN COMP . I KNOW II WAN TO TYPE II SO WAN TO TELL . I FEEL SO XIN KU BUD IT JUST JUST CANT CANT COME OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sighs . maybe it's fate bahhs . sighs ...... dunno la . bout derek foo cause . frens can be .. bud maybe now it's hi bye frens .... I NID TIME MANX . PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE . OMG II THINK BECAUSE OF THIS FEW DAYS AND EVERYTHING THAT IS HAPPENING . I THINK II AM GOING TO CANNOT TAKE IT LE ~!!!!!! ii think this explains my emotions unstableness . ii agree on that cant kip everything le .. just wanna explode .. ii think ii will go mad . and i'm sry for everything . if ii realli do go mad , takkaiirreess my frens =)) live well ... i'm in the process already ii know it myself . sighs.

nowadays . my heart is just full of hatred sadness all the negative stuffs okayys . sighs ...
what i'm feeling is a damn weird mixture of emotions . sighs . NOBODY . will understand ii stress on that . cause ii noe myself ... there are still stuffs which ii keep from jo ii dunno how to say bud somehow sometimes it's inappropriate to say to her . bud besides her no one to tell . so ii guess all kept inside which drives me crazy ... and now ii don even noe how to say it . ONLI CAN SAY FUCKING PAIN UNTIL I WANNA END IT NOW NOW NOW INSTANTLY FUCK . sighs . u noe mahhs . all ii feel is pain pain pain . sorry got no use ... no matter how much it will mean . cause once it's there , it's already there ... KARMA OKAYYS . sighs .

ii hate this yr . half a yr's going to go soon . for the next half can ii start afresh ? ii dunno how to sighs .. u said that u will leave bud ii wan u to be willing not force . ii tot to myself if u don leave nvm ii leave first . i'm serious bud how am ii gonna do tat . ii noe by doing that ii comfirm will drift from u ... sighs . i'm stressed i'm so confused ii realli realli need help . using work to stop myself from thinking...maybe ii should stop the yishuning . don talk abt that onli once in awhile ... bud ii noe .. with jo it'll be hard .. bud ii don wan her to leave me . so ii cant drift im realli very very lost . sighs . how how how ii need a damn solution and now . sighs .

I JUST SO HATE IT . SIGHS . WHO CAN HELP IN SHORTENING MY SUFFERING SIGHS .

to my special someone : dunno how i'm feeling now i'm so confused . wan to love euu bud ii cant . it hurts alot alot . pls take me down to the grave where u are and ii belong . ii wanna be with euu .

6/21/2008 12:40:00 AM my heartful song Y

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

sighs.. when ii heard that euu cried.. my heart gave out a weird feeling . why did euu cry . omg . bud nvm .. these words wont be heard neither will it be cared so . nvmx... take care loads okayys . sighs . the way ii replied euu today ii felt so .. sighs .. nvm ... who cares yahhs .

anyways to jo : jia yous and don give up okayys . ii noe euu sure can do it derhhs xDD

hehhs . raising money for my lolita + cosplat stuff omg . going broke broke broke~!

ii wan go color hair , rebond .. thnking shld ii cut my fringe ? hmmms . xDD hehhs xDD wheees .

work is starting~~ back at max and co ~! ganbatte~~!!!

6/18/2008 11:46:00 PM my heartful song Y

WHY WHY WHY WHY AM I SO ANGRY OVER SUCH A FUCKING SMALL THING . OMG .. II HAVE TO LET IT ALLLLLLL OUT MANX. FUCK KAES .

sighs..i've been wanting to say this for a very long thing.. bud ii just cant.. cause euu my fren.. close one somemore.. sighs... wad ii wan say is that .. euu two the thing ii very very tired .. although ii enjoy knowing stuffs abt him .. funny etc.. bud at times.. sighs.. the feeling is just weird...

just now wad all ii can think of is " go la go la complain to him complain all you wan to him . den aft that he come say me nias lors.. ii don wan care le ... "

bud den .. thinking back .. sighs... ii guess... nvm bahhs.. cant be so xiao qi .. bud dunno whys .. "qi" until wan cry liaos lors.. serious .

at times there are so much ii wanna say .. so many things I CANNOT SAY . sighs . cant say to anyone...painful u noe... very ... tong ku .. xin ku.. sighs... it's like .. omg ... save me okayys ~! sighs... T.T everyone and everywhere is dangerous . there's no safe place where ii can say... maybe there is bud ii dunno where?

sighs .. i'm so confused.. my life become so kns .. whys.. sighs.. ii wan cry cry cry ... temptations to do .... aiya .. nvm la.. if it's meant to be liddat .. nth ii can do to change it . sighs..

where are euu my special someone.. how come ii cant find euu anymore . ii really need you...
you're the onli one ii can tell my stuff to . sighs . serious.. just thinking abt so many things... wan to noe the truth oso dunno how to ask / say ... sighs .. i'm realli a failure...

maybe while i'm working... sighs... T.T ii shall put my phone aside.. wont carry it with me anymore.. mia during work.. sighs... ii very very tired realli hen lei...

anyways..euu said euu will leave them .. esp aft tat meal... bud ii guess nth will change much ... it will stay the same..and .. realli .. ii realise ...some things... ii realli shld not put too much hope in it.. was so looking forward to the day when euu said you'll leave .. ii waited for that day so long.. so tat ii myself can put everything behind.. the past which will become memories.... bud ii guess it will never happen in this situation... since euu still cant do it.. sighs .. nvm .. it so hurts... crying to myself... wanting to get out fast.. sighs.. no one notices... no one will care .. serious .. no one... i swear..

if one day i'm gone... ii guess .. noone will ever notice... maybe n awhile... aft tat they might have forgotten me.. just like how mr quah has been forgotten.. but ii still rmb ... sighs... someone.. help me.. help me get out .. ii don wanna stay trapped ..

ytd was the starting ... i'm sorry for leaving euu alone to meet derek... first time.. bud ya . u enjoy have fun with him etc okayys . euu said to ask me message euu .. end up leis... euu never reply my messages oso .. sighs.. whys... ii dunno la.. ii realli shld not bother euu next time.. go bahhs . go enjoy with him okayys . don say ii jealous or wad.. i'm not.. just tat .. sighs .. euu wont understand how ii feel... it's just mixtures.. and then... so many stuff is going through my mind now.. sighs.. whys ..

exam later ii haven even study . sad sad sad.. management sighs... how .. hope my last min studying will help T.T ..

6/18/2008 12:41:00 AM my heartful song Y

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Two Heartbeats and Red Sins
Vocals: ON/OFF
Lyrics: mavie
Composition: Kurosu Katsuhiko
Arrangement: h-wonder

Shaking in red, in red, in red
To the edge of the dream, of the dream
We can’t be separated

Already, every time when I’m stifled to death after I give up again and again
My emotions that have no place to go wake me up
Your flawless smile knows it’s an existence
So distant that it’s cruel

Even though the incurable wound only eats away at my heart
Even now I can’t completely hold back my thoughts (that dwell) (within) the darkness

Shaking in red, in red, in red
To the edge of the dream, of the dream
We met; destiny begins to turn
A secret that no one, no one knows about
I fall, I fall, I fall
I certainly can’t return anymore, even if I carve out my my sins

While I was walking in the abyss of loneliness, I was saved
By realistic eyes that never change
But a shadow born as the light is bright
Deeply and pronouncedly creeps up to me

The two heartbeats are exactly like mirrors facing each other
The (pains) are similar (but) different and continue infinitely

Burning in red, in red, in red
Erasing everything, everything
An unfulfilled illusion begins to move
Strongly, strongly
Overcoming, overcoming, overcoming the fleeting night
I certainly can’t escape, even if I drown in my sins

Futatsu no Kodou to Akai Tsumi
Vocals: ON/OFF

Akaku akaku akaku yurete
Yume no yume no hate e
Hanarerarenai

Mou nando mo akiramete wa oshikorosu tabi
Ikiba no nai kanjou ga me o samashiteku
Kegare no nai sono hohoemi zankoku na hodo
Tooi sonzai da to wakaru yo

Ienai kizu kokoro mushibamu dake na no ni
Yami no (naka ni) ima mo (yadoru) omoi o osaekirenai

Akaku akaku akaku yurete
Yume no yume no hate e
Deatte shimatta unmei ga mawaridasu
Dare mo dare mo shiranai himitsu
Ochite ochite ochite
Mou modorenai tsumi o kizande mo kitto

Kodoku no fuchi arukinagara sukuwarete ita
Donna toki mo kawaranai riaru na hitomi
Demo hikari ga mabushii hodo umareru kage wa
Fukaku irokoku shinobiyoru yo

Futatsu no kodou maru de awase kagami no you ni
Niteru (keredo) chigau (itami) mugen ni tsuzuite iku

Akaku akaku akaku moete
Subete subete keshite
Kanau koto no nai maboroshi ga ugokidasu
Tsuyoku tsuyoku hakanai yoru o
Koete koete koete
Nogarerarenai tsumi ni oborete mo kitto

Akaku akaku akaku yurete
Yume no yume no hate e
Deatte shimatta unmei ga mawaridasu
Dare mo dare mo shiranai himitsu
Ochite ochite ochite
Mou modorenai tsumi o kizande mo kitto

6/17/2008 05:42:00 PM my heartful song Y

Sunday, June 15, 2008

i'm going back to max and co to work~~ wohoos . club 21 ~! yayys. anyways..last night so much things happened sias.. hmmms.. ii now going wedding dinner later den update okayys xD

6/15/2008 04:30:00 PM my heartful song Y

sighs.. it's like .. thanks for coming down. bud yahhs . shld expect much from euu =)) euu have ur own difficulties too . thanks my dear nuer .muacks . i love u .

6/15/2008 12:11:00 AM my heartful song Y

ii don wan to quarrel with euu over this lors.. nort worth okayys . sighs . and ii don wan euu to unwillingly come my hse . if so . ii rather euu go home and rest la . sighs . i'm sry okayys .

6/15/2008 12:01:00 AM my heartful song Y

Saturday, June 14, 2008

sighs. disappointed .
ii was so qi dai on euu coming my hse today . bud when ii received the msg that euu are going yishun . ii knew euu wont be coming already although euu said euu will . and in the end . my guess was right . euu din come afterall . ii waited for euu .. ii dragged time . pei wenya dey all take bus wait bus etc .. until ii got nth to do .. ii purposely miss my 222 to wait for the next .. bud den ii guess .. it's a waste of my efforts...sighs. ii realli realli wan euu to come lors.. sighs .. does it means that we no where go den euu wont be coming ? sighs if ii noe . ii shouldnt have high hopes on euu coming . nvm . you are more attached to the yishun ppl ma . so nvm . sighs.. the thought of it ...makes me angry . bud wad's the point. it's ur life ii got no right to interfere . so i'll just keep quiet . even if i'm crying .. sighs.. wanting euu to come till ii can cry sighs . it's sad alrights... ii dunno .. dunno . dunno how am ii suppose to feel right now lors.. it's like sighs.. wad to do . can onli blame myself . sighs.. ii shld not have qi dai that euu will come . ii should not even think that euu will come . so pain so pain heart so pain . wanting euu to realli realli come bud den sighs . nvm . since euu going home . den forget it already . sighs . ii shld not have waited for euu . sighs .
ii shld have known once euu at yishun it's hard for euu to be back . wad's more . it's so late already and euu wont wanna travel far .. anyways.. ii think today derek foo shld be very happy bahhs . euu all always go out .. den call me .. so extra derhhs . so yahhs ii guess it's better.. don call me le yahhs . sighs... even if nth to talk abt at least he enjoys going out with euu mahhs . so yahhs . bye .

6/14/2008 11:41:00 PM my heartful song Y

wahhs. ii hear the song . ca jin er guo .. kip hearing . how nice if someone were to sing to me that song . omg i'll like fall in love with the person la hors... sighs.. now feeling so dots la .. been talking to didi.. sighs.. my maple and audition broke down on me like wtf .. ii got so much to say yet sighs...

`everytime euu talk abt him although ii like don wan care bud ii just cant bring myself to not to care .how . sighs. u noe mahhs . so sad de. everytime ii wan to say don tell me anything about u two or wadever . bud ii cant bring myself to say cause deep down ii noe ii want to know. sighs . so torturous hors.. whys sias. because of someone liddat make myself until liddat .

`sry jo.. the fact that euu treat him so good . ii'm just rening . ii noe ii kan bu xia qu . sighs . there's more behind wad ii am thinking bud ii dunno how to tell euu onli . it hurts it seriously does and that sighs.. ii dunno la... very xin ku de . T.T can we leave them ? faster please ? let this hell life of mine stop .

`wth la hors.. sighs.. euu doubt my love for euu ?! euu noe mahhs . how ii treat ah tan when ii steading with him ma . ii don love him at all . AT ALL . wth la . ok . at least jo can stead with ah siang be so loving leis.. ii cant lors.. okayys cause ii still like euu derhhs . den you ownself got stead with another person canx . den euu still can say me . euu love her alot alot oso ii noe ahs.. so pls la hors.. what right euu have to doubt me lors.. none okayys.. euu say euu hong den fine doesnt mean tat we also are okayys. pls la hors.. don everytime say ppl say until very shuang hao mahhs. always say wad it's the fact the truth bud how long euu noe us lors.. euu can say euu noe us very well mahhs ? sighs.. say euu very fun mahhs. no canx.. i'm such a damn fucking idiot okayys . dunno why will like euu this type of person . ii hate euu luhhs . sighs .. been trying to make myself forget euu . to motivate . so hard so hard la . euu don believe den dont. nobody asked euu too okayys. euu noe mahhs . now rights.. like so qi la . so bu gan xin okayys now ii can say loudly declare loudly . I WANNA GIVE UP ON YOU . WITH STRONG DETERMINATION . I HATE EUU FOR WADEVER EUU HAVE DONE . FUCK LA OK . PPL TREAT EUU SO GOOD ETC WITH OUR PURE HEARTS BUD IN RETURN WE GET ALL THIS SHIT . WE DON DESERVE IT OKAYYS . it's like there are happy times tgt bud ya . thanks for that . thanks for being part of my life once. it's just so stupid believing in euu always. sighs.. i'm not someone which euu can play with euu noe. sighs . don take me from granted okayys . it's like say wad still be friends jio u out etc ... dunno euu realli got zhen xin de take me as a fren or not lors . or just using me .. sighs.. my good impression was completely destroyed ~! okayys . so today . is JUNE 14 2008 . 天使愛悪魔NO MORE~! I MEAN IT .

SIGHS.goodbye . sayounara..watashi tomodachi . thanks for the memories. i'll kip them as the past . in my memories ..

to my special someone : i'm glad that ii have euu beside me always. thank u.

6/14/2008 02:18:00 AM my heartful song Y

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

sighs.. is my love for vampire and dolls realli have to go..
it's a bigger heartache for me ..
sighs..mama say that because these few days.. ii kip on thinking of vampires and dolls ..
it affected my family.. my mama sick cant cure cause of me . sighs.. den it's like she say uncle say my love for all these esp the vampires.. made the " vampire " spirit coming out... den attacking my family .. wont attack me cause ii love them ? sighs.. whys again.. repay my love like this . uncle one of the days will come see me .. sighs... ii wan cry le..
why why why must my love for them have to go.. sighs..
ii cant own them ii was sad enough .now ii cant even think of them etc ... sighs..
my mama say ii cant slp at night etc ... realli gonna be vamp liaos =.=... serious ii this whole week .. force myself to slp derhhs .. sighs... how ii realli dunno wad to do..T.T heart very pain..

to special someone : can u help me ? overcome this heartache ? sighs..

6/11/2008 03:39:00 PM my heartful song Y

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

omg.. today wad a day agn.. hohoho. watched 'my luck star a.k.a fang yang de xing xing . omg luhhs . damn damn damn nice . sad sad sad.. cried so much =.= sooooo touching omg.. ii nowadays stay home hors.. den ahs.. kip watching anime or dramas derhhs lehss.. omg luhhs hors.. whees.. kaes luhhs... hmmms . kro and his family quarrelled.. sia la.. hmmm. help him call his mama.. den talk to his mama . omg she cried like fuck la T.T worst den my mam cry ii was like sia la how how how.. bud first time ii tok to the mama.. so yahhs.. den hors.. just now ii think the bro answer the phone so yahhs.. don sound like kor kor de kor kor lols... hmmms. den ii think now okayys lerhhs bahhs.. now wad time le sias ii still don wan go slp i'm realli mad sias..

to my special someone~ you're still being missed by euu .. ii wonder if ii don mention euu one day how ahs.. xDD will happen de leis..if ii nv blog lors . hohoho. euu don sad leis.. ii noe euu live in my imagination onli bud at least ii noe that euu are there.. ii love euu..

6/10/2008 12:07:00 AM my heartful song Y

Monday, June 9, 2008

omg !!! see see see~! isnt vampire knight sooooo nice~?! i'm sooooo in love with them . hahahaha.. look at kanme kun and zero .. both of them soooo shuai canx ?! hehhs . wheees . eheheh.... vampires are even more loved by me~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ wahahahahahahahas... i'm mad .. ii wan a wawa which looks like a vamp ! ii think ii have the photo leis .. xDD yes ~! next time den upload okayys wahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ii wan go buy the manga liaos XDD vampire knights~~ cant wait for episode 10 to be out !

whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
lols i'mmad . i'm so in love with them .

to special someone : you're not forgotten =))

6/09/2008 03:55:00 PM my heartful song Y

Sunday, June 8, 2008

today ahs.. woke up in a rush cause late le . den yahhs took a cab down to tm .. den bought my slippers from mphoshis =)) den watched narnia with my sister. omg damn nice nice nice la xDD hehhs . ii wan go watch the dunno wad don mess with dunno wad de . ii saw the trailer . damn funny ii tell euu can laugh until siaox. den the qian bu gou yong oso =)) den waft show went to montip ( dunno how to spell ) bought my stuffs den aft tat meet mama and daddy den go eat swensens xDD hehhs . den bought my anna sui perfume~!!! at last ! wo deng ni deng dao wo xin tong~~~ hahahahahas....omg. ii just rmb ... hehhs .... ii was watch barbie the island princess before leaving the house omg it's nice la ... =x i'm kiddy kaes... xDD hahhs . wo xi huan jiu hao lerhhs . hmmms . nowadays .. start chatting back with all my old friends love them loads . miss dem too xDD hahhs . whees~~ omg .. so cool~~ ehs ... now ii watching vampire knights . heard the vamps all very shuai ~~~ sugoi~~ hehhs xDD wheeees... my mama asked me go back club 21 work .. bud bud bud ii dunno how to ask wendy leis T.T sighs .. although yes ! ii love club 21 <33 loves loves my max & co~~ hehhs xDD whees . hmmms . she say if don wan work den go study course . ii don mind derhhs leis .. learn beauty derhhs ~~ ii wan do nails mahhs xDD blacme it on LCN hahahas.. make me in love with it . hehhs . bud wan learn must go simei ite.. ii don mind but just thinking must wear the beauty theraphy de it's like an OMG to me le la.. faints... lols..anyways...tmr going out with daddy . rare hors ... lols .. kat tmr coming back lerhhs xDD lols . bored bored bored .. whys my audition cant play ~!!!!! roars.. my maple oso sot sot .. save me ~!!!!!!! wahahahahas. bored...now mood okok .. euu see later.. sure die xDD hohoho . kaes luhhs . don write le . buh bye~

to my special someone ~ no matter how much ii say others are shuai or seemed like ii like them bud deep down ii love euu the most xDD hehhs . anyways .. ii dedicate this song to euu . chu chi zhi wai . =) dunno correct or wrong spelling leis xDD ii noe ish old song .. bud dunno leis.. so sudden hors hors hors xDD whees . loves. hope ur're doing fine . missing euu as always my dear.

6/08/2008 11:02:00 PM my heartful song Y

today is a new day . dunno if today will be a better day den ytd . bud ii noe . my love for my special someone today will always be stronger den ytd's =)) . hehhs xDD . my mood swings very bad hors.. was emoing . den happy agn . ii think i'm mad . seriously . =)) hahaha . sighs . wonder wad days will be like to mia . ii realli feel like . only the days without jo den ii can go mia .. maybe ii try ? hope dey understand . i'll not msg anyone . except my mama . or ppl pls msg me to tell me it's urgent if not ii swear ii wont answer =))ii have my reasons .. if ii can go through tat day .. i'll be happy hahahahahahaha . seriously ii nid see psychologist . lols ! hohoho . sighs . ii dunno wad ii wan sias . ii dunno wad ii doing . T.T i'm super in love with dolls and vampires . OBESSION II TELL EUU . SERIOUSLY . and i'm courting my own death =)) even kor say doll 2 yrs later den can buy . but ii have the fucking urge to get it now now now . and wad's more curiostity~! ii cant wait for 2 yrs .. it's so long .. and wad's more.. don listen = die lors.. i'll see .. if life's realli so tong ku . why not choose the easy way out . self destuction =)) knowing not supposed to yet still liddat .. hahahaha . wad a good idea sia....xDD . anyways .. sighs . dunno la . byesbyes....

6/08/2008 01:08:00 AM my heartful song Y

to li jie :

li jie , ii dunno how to say out luhhs . bud all ii wanna tell euu ish that i'm sorry . really really sorry . don ask me why . ii do not know myself . do ii ? ii just noe that ii have to say sorry to euu . weird huhhs ? =)) anyways . saying sorry isnt enough for me . bud ii dunno wad else ii can do already . so i'm just so so sorry . take good care yahhs . =)) byesbyes .

6/08/2008 01:06:00 AM my heartful song Y

Saturday, June 7, 2008

there's so much to say .
it hurts . i'm reminded of euu everyday my sweetheart .
ur're just my imagination , my special someone . that's the hurtful truth .
yet , it is always unknowingly been exposed . ii hear ur name everywhere .
everytime , it hurts . every thing about euu which comes in mind , feels like icicles piercing through my heart . so fast so painful .
it's suppose to be a joy in loving euu .
bud suddenly things starts to change mysteriously .
ii wan to find out the real real truth behind everything esp this change .
ii noe it's gonna be hard . bud i'll just try and persevere . for euu , anything is possible .
ii have no idea . if one day , just to be with euu , ii have to give up my life , ii wont mind =))
it took me so long . so so long . ii don really expect anything in return , don expect that euu will noe . =)) euu live in my heart even if euu are gone . ii love euu more and more as the days goes by . ii dunno why too bud ii feel happy just knowing it .
it's torturous to live on like this . bud ii don mind . ii miss euu so so so much .
my sweetheart . i love euu . our forbbiden love . the unknowing truth . the hidden secret .
will be revealed . bud when will it be ? hmmms . ii'll have to wait for euu my dear . =))
ii don wan euu to go away . once ur're gone i'll be so lonely . no one here for me . making me smile just knowing that ii love euu . sighs . 誰かがあなた好きです？ii think ii know.
i'm just lying to myself . ii wanted to ask euu . yet . ii cant open my mouth .
now , i'm trying to avoid it . it's yet another thing being dug and placed deep down in my heart with the hidden truth of me . deep deep down . ii don wanna take it out . ii noe ii will break down . i'm afraid ii am ii really do . ii dunno wad to do . sighs . it hurts . so so much . so pain . it makes me breathless . these few days , ii just cant slp well . ytd , ii onli ate 1 meal which is when ii go my daddy performance . everything has been going so badly for me . whys . bud nvm . 1 meal a day isnt tat bad . ii don wanna care for myself already . ii noe ppl are tired of caring for me . me myself too am tired . maybe ii shld just try . don care . ya ? =)) loves loads . hehhs . ii shall try xD

in my world .. it was black and white . den euu added colours into it .. bud now .. it's starting to change back .. bud no longer with white .. just black . pure black... no one and nothing will light it up anymore ... sighs ... ii miss euu . everyday it's growing stronger .

6/07/2008 10:52:00 PM my heartful song Y

omg omg omg . pain pain pain . pain begone please~ T.T my fucking mens cramp sighs . it's like becoming worst as the days goes by ... like wtf . sighs . pain pain pain T.T wan cry lerhhs luhhs . anyways. my special someone . i'm reminded of euu by something agn =)) been soooo long since i've talked to euu .. hehhs . how long has it been since ii last saw euu . realli talk to euu ? hmmms . ii hope that euu are doing fine . looking forward to seeing euu =)) loves loads yahhs . hope tat euu wont forget me . and yahhs. hahhs .

whees . meeting jo soon =)) haas . ii miss her soo much . =)) sighs .

unspoken truth . forbbiden love .

6/07/2008 04:54:00 PM my heartful song Y

omg . ii think im mad . i'm realli mad . how ? ii have been sleeping super late these few days ii swear . big big big mistake sias.. my timing . omg . today ii slept at 7 am . now den wake up lors . and euu noe mahhs . ii 7 am that time still very energetic leiis force myself to sleep . sighs . dunno luhhs . jo going start work lerhhs T.T wad am ii suppose to do leis ? join course ? or go work oso ? lols . my mummy helping mii ask at dfs derhhs . bud bud if got night shift ii die ... from night till morning sias.. bud canx luhhs xDD now my timing like kns lerhhs . omg . kaes luhhs . ii wan go back slp den nid go prepare lerhhs . come home den update agn kaes =)) muacks .

special someone~ you're missed by me agn ~ LOLS .

6/07/2008 02:35:00 PM my heartful song Y

to myy special someone :

loving someone is just so hard .
is it the truth ii ask myself .
missing someone hurts so much too .
why am ii going through all this .
ii can avoid all these .. if ii want to .
it's realli a forbidden love .
a wrong choice of love .
a choice which ii have made bud din regret .
ii wont and never will .
it's because ii love euu .
it doesnt matter if euu ever notice me or not .
cause ii noe ii love euu .
it's enough for me .
the hurts in my heart will be replaced by my love for euu .
wei le ni , wo bu gu yi qie de ai ni .
ii dont wish for anything in return =))
just to let me continue loving euu .
seeing that euu are fine makes me contented .
knowing that euu are in my life makes me satisfied .
knowing that euu are my friend it's enough =))
my dear special someone .
ur're deep in my heart .
my hidden truth =)) .
someone which ii do not wish to reveal to myself .
so euu will just be the part in my heart .
ii noe . ii don wan let euu out . bud it hurts la .
hehhs . ii love euu . love euu . love euu loads .
miss euu miss euu missing euu loads~~ .
hehhs . noe that euu wont noe . bud still nevermind =))
euu mean alot alot alot to me =)) euu will never be forgotten .
my dearest someone . =))
loves loves loads . nothing ii guess can stop me from loving euu .
xD ii noe i'm mad .. bud yahhs . loving euu with no regrets .
i'm happy just loving euu . so please dont ever take that happiness away from me .
thank euu . i'll appreciate it . don stop mii from loving euu . =))
ii miss euu miss euu alot . when can ii meet euu again my special someone . loves .

gmaine loves euu . my dearest someone . ii have not seen euu for long . hope to meet up soon . if it ever happens .

6/07/2008 12:28:00 AM my heartful song Y

Thursday, June 5, 2008

kanashii..doushite ? dunno.just feeling so ... omg.. today like 2nd day of my mense. tat must be it . affecting my mood . fuck . don give me mood swings now sias.. ii don wan emo now derhhs ii wan to slp derhhs~! sighs.. dunno dunno dunno ii feel so bored bored bored ! ii got so many things ii wanna say bud don dare say out. now ii noe wad jo mean by very tiring . keep inside u . wan say cant say sighs. ii think ii have to wait for a year to pass at least before ii can tell anyone . sighs . T.T who can help mii leis. whys everything will become liddat leis.. who can tell me? nowadays everyday slp so late . sighs until sick somemore . dunno wad ii wan sias.. watch show watch until cry wth... super emotional..these few days kokoro itai desu.. dunno whys oso . so dots... esp..whenever ii anyhow anyhow think . sighs . i'm like thinking alot alot la ... roars~! ii wan go drink that wang qin shui la . lols . xDD if realli have ii wont =)) hehhs xDD just say for fun.. these two days never go sch.. mc mc .. sianed.. ii slp 3+ 4+ madness derhhs knowing got sch . now already 2 plus lerhhs lors .. still don wan slp ii zhao si nias leis .lols.sighs. i'm bored. ii wan change my blog song agn liaos xD whees..

ii miss my dustpan a.k.a banana a.k.a joanna
ii miss my duster a.k.a kat a.k.a katherine
ii miss my special someone =)) a.k.a for me to know and euu to find out.
yea . so looong never see them lerhhs . wonder how dey are~~ ii miss them loads loads..
hehhs xDD

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees. ii wan go travelling.
omg . japan~~ is loved loved.. my sis good lors... she going taiwan den hongkong den sydney !! wth.. den japan T.T ii wan go lors~! bud nvm she bringing me go paris =))) wahahahahas . realli pray can go .. =)) bud i'll miss everyone .

omg ii nid piano ~! my que yang going to complete lerhhs . now starting on the notes for the lu xiao yu tat song xDD hehhs nice leis~~ wahahahas.... wheeeeeeeeeees . omg . see !! my mood realli change . realli got prob sias.. sighs~~ so tired . waiting for damn song to convert so ii can put n blog .. if not ii sad sad sias~~ kanashii~~ cannot mahhs.. must be happy... ureshii~~ xDD hohoho. omg .i'm such a sadist . sighs.

wishes for today ..hope they will be granted :
-hope everything will turn out right for my frens esp jo , siang , derek ))
-hope my special someone will be happy
-hope that ii will study hard for my exams~
-hope tat ii will be happy =))
-wanna enjoy my days with jo b4 she goes to work
-wanna love everyone sincerly with my whole heart =))

hope~ ii can !!! ganbatte kudasai~!

6/05/2008 01:53:00 AM my heartful song Y

so many things happening. hmmms. whys leis. so much thing. dunno how to say. i'll update soon yahhs.more storys. =))

anyways, to my special someone . i'm missing euu xDD lols.
whees.

6/05/2008 12:52:00 AM my heartful song Y

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

私の中心の非常に非常に苦痛。それはそうひどく傷つく。私は叫びたいと思う。 I非常に悲しい実際に実際に非常に悲しい。私は私があなたが好む1才ではないことを知っている。私は実際に知っている。私は私が言ったようにあきらめたいと思うが、私の隠された真実である。深い羽毛私の中心。私は真実を捜したいと思わないそれを掘りたいと思わない。私が真実を知っているので。私はそれからちょうど逃げている。傷つけるそれがいかにあるか知っている。それについてちょうど考える。私はそれが不可能であることがわかっている。私はその誕生日の願いを作るために彼女に感謝する。すべてがちょうど不可能のようである時しかしそれをなぜ作りなさい。私は叫んでもいく実際にちょうど考える。それはあなたのためにそんなにすることのためのポイントはであるもののようである。私はどのような人私がであるか知っている。私は私が深い羽毛を言ったように私の心配および心配をそれそうそんなに傷つく示さないが。しかしポイント権利は何である。示さない。決して知らない。私は彼らがすべて愚かなiを言うので言うだれでも傾く。既に6か月。私は長く好む。そう長く。そう愚か。何のため。私は実際に自分自身を知らない。なぜなぜ私がなぜ忘れることができないか。なぜ私気遣わないできないか。誰かは私に言う。

6/03/2008 12:02:00 AM my heartful song Y

Monday, June 2, 2008

私はそんなに私知らないなぜ。あなたのような理由の原因Iはまだあるか。私は今壊れたある。けれども私はあなたの友人を助けている。私が悩みの時ある時だれが私を助けるか。私はあなたの助けを求める敢えてしない。愚かな私がそうなぜあるか。これらの多量のお金を見つけることを行っている私がいるところ。私はを除けばを除けばだけ救ってもいい。それはすべてである。タクシーの削減。私のそう中心の苦痛。助けるために私がなぜ全力を尽すか。自分自身のために私はすべてこれらをしない。私は私が自分自身を扱うよりよく扱う。けれども代わりに私はあなたからすべてこれらをたわごとを言われた傷得る。それはのように見るiをある従ってよい私はあなたが支払済の余分な物知っているあなたの50ドルを思い出させたか。 I喧騒の詐欺。皆は私からお金を借りたいと思う。私はまた非常に知っている重点を置くか。私はお金が彼女の誕生日のためにまた計画することを必要とする。私が非常に短く短い時間のお金を得てもいいところ真剣に。誰かは助ける私を喜ばす。私の中心のそうそう苦痛。私はこれがように私をもう好まないが、まだ扱わないことを知っているか。それは真剣に深い羽毛を傷つける。私はだれでもに言うそれを傾く。私が私でそれをしているので専有物は。私が感じるかどの位のように知っている誰かを言いなさいか。私はとてもひどく感じる。私はだれをに私が回してもいいか知らない。私があなたの娘とのあなたの関係に酸っぱくなってほしくないので私は彼女に言うことから防がなければならない。私が私の問題を言ってもいい1つ。しかし今私はできない。そして実際は私は私が日本語に人々は知っていることを防ぐために書いたすべてを翻訳しなければならない。私は6日3週だけを200のそして50ドルを都合する過す。私は実際に実際に重点を置かれる。

6/02/2008 11:18:00 PM my heartful song Y