Saturday, May 31, 2008
*ii want to thank euu for all the love , happiness , the pain and the tears euu brought into my life.
ii always told euu that euu came for a reason into my life.
and yes, it is true, euu have taught me how to love unconditionally no matter how painful it was.
the love we shared will always be remembered,will alwys bring that smile in my heart with no regrets.
times spent with euu will always be remembered with tears and joy as it was the joyous and tearful part of my life.
ii never really lost euu , did ii ? iihave more than sweet memories because i had euu once.
ii noe euu loved me well enough for the moment.
euu hurt me ; ii can still feel the pain of everything euu did . from taken me for granted till dumped me.
you killed me that very instant with the hurtful things and ii am still dying inside whenever ii recall that moment, those words.
ii used to ask myself how could this guy who had once written sweet affectionate messages on my phone can now hurt me badly with his words.
ii loved euu so deeply that ii become deaf and numb with ur effort to push mii away.
ii being always in control always able to hold onto myself and for a moment ii lost all the esteem , my ability to think so ii realise what ii had for euu is real love.
i'm sorry that ii do not noe how to express out how ii felt towards euu.
how much ii really loved euu.
how much euu realli mean alot to me.
how much ii care for euu.i'm just such a fool.
bud ii guess ii have so much love for euu to ever hate euu.euu made me stronger when euu hurt me.
it hurts alot bud ii guess it's worth isnt it ?
it is silly bud the tears euu brought me cleanse my heart will all the past hurts.
ii probable still might not be over them and don not noe when, but it made me a better person.
ii still cry when ii remember euu, still have sleepless nights , still wake up early in the morning times euu call me to say ii miss euu or euu love me.. ii still think of euu.
it's tiring.missing someone so badly when the person doesnt noe and doesnt feel for euu.
thanks for bringing out the best in me. for all the joy , for giving me the best thing that happened n my life that was euu !
ii only need to be wiser.
ii noe it's not the end for me it might be a good start to begin my life again . ii shouldnt be ever afraid to love again although it may take quite sometime.
to forget euu and onli keep the memories.it's so hard.
euu have gone through before wad ii am going through now.dont say euu dont noe.cause the fact is euu noe.
ii thank god euu came into my life.bud if it is going no where.den it's time.to say goodbye.*
5/31/2008 01:42:00 AM my heartful song Y
changed song : liao jie by sun yan zi
mood : sucky tired aft work
place : home
timing :1.15am
date :31 may 2008
listing to : wo bu pei
sighs.everything's like not right these few days.so tiring.realli realli.
dunno whys whys will ii have this feeling ?
why am ii feeling like tat.
ii dont wan it to happen.
don wan it to come true.
sighs.
so sad.
ii don wan this feeling to come back.
it sucks. it realli do.
sighs.who can help me?
this heartache of mine.
sighs.have yet to be healed.
smiles on my face.
it's the only thing ii can do for myself everyday.
trying to enjoy life to the fullest.
trying to be happy when ii noe deep down it hurts.
sighs.so fast. it's gonna be june already.
somethings , better to be left unsaid.
sometimes say out too much not good also.
so yahhs.best is to keep it to myself.
ii hate myself leis.
how ahs.sighs.
whys am ii like tat.why am ii such a person.
why am ii such a fucked up person.
sighs.always say wan change etc.
bud den.end up leis.also never.
so kns la.realli hate it manx.
there's so much things ii wish to change learn and do.
bud why why why ii always cant.
who can tell me.when can ii learn.when can ii start to change?!
it's like the end of the month le leis.
when can ii ever have real real fun agn.
as in realli enjoy myself.
sighs.ii wan go mia oso.so free.
ii wan lose my memory.
ii wan be a new person.
ii wanna start afresh.
maybe i'll start praying.that i'll lose my memory soon.
my memory is failing.seriously.ii dunno wad's happening.
bud my memory is seriously failing.
so ii shall pray more everyday.
sighs.just leave me alone?
ii admit ii love the company of my dearest friends.
bud ii just have too much regrets in life.
sighs.although ii noe.
there's other ppl who's life worst den me.
bud i'm just saying wad ii wanna say.
so yahhs.
hope ii wont live long bahhs.
end it all quickly manx.
go counselling no use derhhs.
ii wont even say out my secrets.
even my deepest darkest secrets.
so many things.wanna say out.feel like saying.
dunno who to tell.cause somethings cant just say out liddat.
must think of consequences derhhs.
just thinking of it.bring tears to my eyes. sighs. ii noe this is gonna be another long post.
sighs. it's like.sighs ii dunno how to say luhhs.ii miss everyone.
sighs.u noe.ii thinking jo say dunno if she will kanna not.
ii rather be the one to kanna ii think ii will be happier =))
ii noe i'm mad.ii'm like so fucked up stress.thinking so much.
sighs.heart so pain.euu noe mahhs.miss someone so hurtful.don wanna miss don wanna think.
wanna cry nias.sighs.so much more ii wanna say bud bud ii cant.
to special someone:ur're being missed by me agn.=)) everyday in fact.
every hour , min , sec xD haas. seems impossible rights.
bud somehow.you're in my thoughts recently =))
wishes:
-my doll ( strong obession.can go crazy.)
-simple life
-memory loss
-to be a changed person
-to make ppl happy
-lots more..
5/31/2008 01:08:00 AM my heartful song Y
Friday, May 30, 2008
ii miss euu .
wad else can ii say.
nth much.
wad can ii do.
nth much either.
still searching my heart to find the dearest truth.
bud why am ii having the feeling that ii do not want to noe the truth.
yet ii wan and allow myself to be hidden from it.
to escape from it.
don wanna think about it.
bud one day ii still will have to face the real hurting truth which is hidden deep down in my heart.
it's down down down so deep down that ii feel so tired.
just thinking abt how deep down ii must go.
makes me wanna give up knowing the truth.
wad do ii wan from knowing it.
wad am ii always thinking abt.
all the answers will reveal.
when the time is ripe.
but when ii ask myself.
ii myself dont noe.
it's sad not to noe myself.
bud like ii said.
wad can ii do.
ii cant do anything bud to just wait and live life as it is now.
joy,sorrows,angers haas.
wad a life huhhs.
dunno luhhs.
just for now.
ii realli cant do anything.
seriously, i'm courting death =))
i'm too lazy to explain why i'm saying these.
joanna noes whys.
my curiosity.
will lead me to my death one day.
ok.maybe two years later.
if all these continues.
sighs.dunno wad ii wan in life manx.
help me somebody ?
no one.nvm.i'm on my own.
don wanna rely on anyone.
ii have to learn it all by myself.
sighs.when will tat day come.
ii feel so tired.deep down.
who can clear the emptiness in my heart.
who can help me have the patience to wait till that day.
ii dunno.
anyways.i'll just see how it goes.
studying and working everyday making myself not to think of anything.
bud it's beginning to have no effect on me.
whys.is there really no hope.
is it meant to be like this for me.
sighs.ii dun noe.
how ii wish what i'm feeling right now is not what ii think it is suppose to be.
anyways.ii wanna stop le.
save for another day.
besides.everyday will be almost same for me.
to a special someone : you're missed by me =))
5/30/2008 01:20:00 AM my heartful song Y
Thursday, May 29, 2008
sighs.so much things happened nowadays.. anyways. did my tattoo . bat tattoo xDD omg ii tell euu . ii think i'm going crazy seriously. i'm getting mroe and more obsessed over dolls la hors. even in my dreams ii think of that . omg . save me manx. i'm so curious . uncle say ii must stop wearing black , stop going home late , don like skulls , don ever keep dolls.. ii can onli do all of these aft ii 19 yrs old .. for dunno wad reason.. somehow .. these few days ii keep thinking if ii break how ahs.. ii wan try leis.. it's like omg omg la . sighs . dunno la.. ohs . ii skipped sch .. nid letter. dunno how to tell my mummy . she sure scold me like shit . somemore she so sick la .. haiyo . ask her go see doctor she don wan . she say esp me cant takkaiirreess of myself . sighs. wth wth wth . nvm . ii also dunno wad to do . so shit lors .. ii miss club 21 suddenly . omg .. today is a very weird day for me seriously . ohs and ii coming mens soon ... ii think .. euu noe whys ?! ii having damn bad mens cramp agn ... sighs sighs... anyways.. ii pray ii seriously pary that nothing will happen to jo .. sighs .. realli .. ii cant imagine the day ... and ii don wanna imagine ..ii think ii can go crazy just for her lors .. like wtf . sighs.. argh .. whys whys whys ?! nan de !!!! dunno la . whys so unfair derhhs . sighs . jo don deserve all these ... she realli dont . she deserve a better life .. a so much better.. with the happiness she ever wanted ... next time me and her stay tgt , i'll make sure~ she'll be happy till the day she gets married... i'll be so touched... bud if the guy treat her bad .. ii box him up sias.. anyways.. these few days .. feel so much better .. as in overall lors.. dunno leis. suddenly not as stresses up as before lerhhs =)) hehhs . whees~~ hmmmms. sighs..
anyways.. these days .. been thinking lesser.. breathing better..althoughs.. some things and words are not meant to be said or thought =)) ii put it aside.. ii no longer wan it to come into my life which ii feel so relieved about it =)) hehhs whees~~~ anyways yahhs . onli thing ii wanna say to myself is ... SEARCH MY HEART DEEP TO FIND THE REAL ANSWER =)) hope ii can realli do it hahhs . although there's so much ii wish to say .. ii just cant . although jo understands me the most bud . somethings and sometimes ... she cant =)) hehhs . everyone got their own secrets .. see if they wanna say or not onli mahhs . sighs ... so yupps .. jia yous for studies~!
DAISUKI DA YO~!
KOISHIKUTE~!
5/29/2008 12:20:00 AM my heartful song Y
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
new song~~!!
痛是什麽感觉
是想呐喊却无言
心被你一片一片
撕下还不肯碎裂
是谁让你转变
不再留恋我的体贴
你用背叛告别从前
我只想对你更好不埋怨
我以为爱是痛苦的慈悲
熬过宽容的疲惫
幸福会给我抚慰
心疼你的泪水
原谅你的不对
只求交心
不苛求完美
我以为爱是痛苦的慈悲
你会让我不后悔
这样把你宝贝
但你却教会我懂爱你可悲
爱不在了
做什麽都枉费
是谁让你转变
不再留恋我的体贴
你用背叛告别从前
我只想对你更好不埋怨
我以为爱是痛苦的慈悲
熬过宽容的疲惫
幸福会给我抚慰
心疼你的泪水
原谅你的不对
只求交心
不苛求完美
我以为爱是痛苦的慈悲
你会让我不后悔
这样把你宝贝
但你却教会我懂爱你可悲
爱不在了
做什麽都枉费
ii got the song bud bud hehhs .. but in blog de onli short short de T.T
so sad ahs . lols . not a bad song xDD fun fun fun .. pictures of ons lesbian night up on friendster~! go see kaes . loves =)) free i'll update~
5/27/2008 09:39:00 PM my heartful song Y
Sunday, May 18, 2008
SONG COPYRIGHTED FROM JOANNA YONG YI LIN =)) CREDITS TO HER YAHHS ~! <3S
good-bye my friend
直到那天我们真的再见
我会想念非常想念
希望你在我身边
oh my friend
把今天都对摺
存在感觉纪念
朋友是这生命的伏线
无论怎样多变永远连接
要再见这是一种诺言
等待我们兑现
超越所有挑战
朋友是一辈子的事业
眼神就能了解
不用多言
要再见这是一种诺言
等待我们兑现
超越所有挑战
朋友是一辈子的时间
一首歌的思念温暖一切
for auld lang syne.
for auld lang syne,my dear
for auld lang syne,
we'll tak'a cup o'kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.
sing along now......
会有那么的一天吧
我依然有好多好多的梦
想第一个告诉你
但发现你已经不在我身边
不能天天见面了
我会有点孤单的
i keep you in my prayers
5/18/2008 04:08:00 PM my heartful song Y
to my dear fren once :
i'm sry . sighs.. ii noe nth ii can say to change anything now.
ii read ur blog . thanks for trusting me . thanks for always being there for me .
i'm so so sry.. ii noe euu got headache . ii promised euu that ii will go with u do hair . i've been waiting too . bud . sighs . i'm just sorry . euu always did so much for me yet.. ii 've done nth for you . i'm realli realli sry . if you're realli needed for boredem ii wont even care bout anything u noe. sighs . ii already said... ii asked jo into this course earlier den u .. if ii onli nid her why would ii even ask euu go . it's cause we were looking for the same course ..and you're my fren . of course i'll wan u to enjoy the same things with me. we still planned so many many things. like ur bday etc.. so fun... ii tried not to make euu left out in everything and i'm sry for always making euu angry or wadsoever . yes ii noe..maybe iihave neglected ur feelings bud always aft ii do , ii do think abt it . feeling so sry . yahhs . you're matured enough . unlike me . ii just cant seem to do things right.. thanks for you always being there for me . telling me advices . and ii seriously swear that ii don not even treat euu as a spare tire kaes . if tat is how euu realli think ii got nth to say also . cause this is the impression of me to you . ii cant change it can i . sighs . yupps . ii agree .. days with u were fun where we laugh out like crazy blahs . fight over sweets .. lols .it's just so memorable . yes in class same class . ppl ask me treat u as invisible too .ii hope ii can . euu noe how much ii cried mahhs . sighs . even now . when i'm typing this . cause ii noe it's all too late .. ii admit there are times which ii disliked euu for the way u do things bud .. sighs .. ii nv told u . cause ii don wan any problems between us . bud it became like this in the end . i'm sry . ii noe euu for like 5 yrs already .. it's so long ii cant imagine .. euu and jo .. my long and close frens.. if one of u were gone ..life's gonna change .. sighs.. ii hope euu'll lead life happily without me . ii hope that u will cause euu don have to worry over a fren like me . you can find a better fren to replace me . i'm sure . i'm 17 and i'm still learning . i'm not as matured as u . i'm just so so sorry . it's like sometimes . ii explain to euu .. euu don wan listen . euu noe mahhs . how much ii tried to explain to euu ytd.. it still shows tat ii care canx . ii already told euu b4 .. i'mm not good with words . how do you wan me to say .. to make you stay ? ii noe euu ren alot alot le . ii noe euu still care for me .. bud sighs .. i'm just so so sry okayys . if this is realli better for euu .. den goodbye too . good luck for everything . my once so dear friend..
goodbye. the memories i'll take and kip with me . it's gonna be hard . but since euu can do it i'll try . ii noe .. it's just too late . sorry and thank you .
5/18/2008 03:43:00 PM my heartful song Y
Friday, May 16, 2008
today~ had presentation xDD was nervous bud it went well xDD hehhs . den aft tat .. we went for lunch at subway... den got school photoshoot xD it sucks totally hehhs . whees.. den hors.. ehs ... we go home.. ii reach home slp till 5 den went meet jo we went to airport t1 . go eat yea.. den study awhile go sempang bedok foo's house find pris , char , chris , jan , ah bee xDD talk sooo much . like dunno how many yrs nv talk liddat lors. lols . damn funny . hmmms. den hors...den aft tat left tat place follow jo and siang go geylang lor 14 buy cigarettes.. den walk to lor 27a eat soya bean hehhs xDD whees... den liddat lors.. came home in a cab.. hand kanna kiap by the stupid door so pain.. now sitting in front of comp blogging etc~~ xDD cant wait for tuesday to come.. i'll get myy shirt xD
wheeeeeeees good luck to mi for tmr's test~~! hehhs . must realli jia yous.. sighs .. din study much ... T.T exams must CHIONG CHIONG CHIONG . ganbatte~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!
whees.............it's fading.. slowly..
5/16/2008 11:55:00 PM my heartful song Y
Thursday, May 15, 2008
yoyoyoyo!!! hohoho. went shopping today~~
school's alrights~ hehhs
must jiayous liaos..
anyways..
ai otsuka 's daisuki da yo is loved <33
vampires are loved <33
dolls are loved <333
skulls are loved <33
black is loved <33
kuromi is loved <33
magic & spells are loved <33
witches are loved <33
crosses are loved <33
angels are loved <33
stars are loved <33
coffins are loved <33
gothic is loved <33
lolita is loved <33
jrock is loved <33
gmaine is loved xDD <33 by me~!
hohoho... devil and angel story . THE END.
hehhs . finally . it's all over .. while hearing daisuki da yo and msg derek foo . tears drop . bud instead of the piercing heart pain . ii felt relived . ii dunno whys . it's maybe realli the time which ii let go liaos =)) i'm happy bout it . somehow . it's the fucking she bu de ness which ii have to overcome derhhs lors.. hmmms. if not .. my love for him will nv be gone . hehhs yupps . so i've achieved the first step ! jia yous~!
thanks for the memories =)) thanks for BEING part of my memory . i'll miss euu . koishikute. daisukidayo =)) hope we'll still be good friends yahhs =)) must kip in contact for very very long time kaes =)) don forget wan buy motor from euu lols ! byesbyes mrdevil. today is may the 15 . liked you for 5 months 15 days lerhhs . ii shall countdown kaes.. till the day ii realli realli don like euu kaes =))
hmmms. now ii shall concentrate on myy studies~~ hehhs whees..
dunno wad ii thinking also think everyday so easy guo mehhs . kip thinking tat ii become busy woman sias . realli lors . everyday so busy . wtf . hmmms . no time for real shopping . today not counted somemore.. dots.. half shop nias .. not so shuang leis xDD lols . hmms . eto... recently i'm adding colours to my life hors hors hors.. got red ... purple... hehhs . i'll be adding in blue next ? bud black of course is still myy love xDD whees.. hehhs hohoho.
ii told jo .. ii rather love a doll den to love someone . because it's easier . and euu wont be hurt at all . so... ii will either risk my damn fucking life and buy a doll before 2 yrs .. or wait till 19.. by then i'll be dead by boredom ii guess .. wth .. hmmms . den it's like ii nid save 2000++ lors.. get 2 child doll , 2 adult dolls with accessories . hehhs . i'm going mad mad mad over dolls~~ gothic is loved kaes !!
so fast ... marketing over lerhhs .. so fast... management over le .. agn .. so fast going start econs .den two weeks later end den EXAM . stress~~~~ wth wth wth .. jiu ming . must reallli chiong .. ii wan pass sui sui derhhs xDD lols ~ whees.. hehhs xDD hmmms . wad do ii wan in life leis ? ii also dunno...
course ii wanna attend :
manicure
hairstyle
japanese
piano
guitar
singing
yupps . alot rights ? manicure is at simei ite leis... sianed..jap maybe soon .. singing ii love it manx . faster~! the rest can wait xDD ii don mind... ii wan go japan .. ii realli wan .. to shibuya and harajuku hehhs xDD
anyways ~! excersing time~~~ SAT !!! ii got test den rebond hair .. sia la . no mood for badminton liaos la .. T.T okayys . nvm .. next week onwards... bball , badminton... no running leis .. ii cant tahan =x . so long nv tie hair liaox xDD lols . yayys~~ hehhs ...
anyways yahhs . like wad cheryl says... alot ppl . recently kip staring at me lors .. for ii dunno wad reasons lors .. weirdos .. never see ppl b4 derhhs hahahas ! anyways~~~ xDD ii love myy hair hohohohohoho...kaes luhhs xDD must go do myy presentation lerhhs . nights nights.. hope ii will do well in myy presentation tmr ~
SRY PPL ~~ II NOE II VERY RANDOM . KIP CHANGING WAD II TYPE HAHAHAHAAS. TAT'S WHY II LEAVE SPACING IN BETWEEN MAHHS XDD
HEHHS
BYESBYES.JAANE ....GMAIN'S GONNA CHANGE II SWEAR . GANBATTE~~~~!!!!
thanks jo and cheryl and siang for always being there for me =)) <33s loads .
5/15/2008 09:14:00 PM my heartful song Y
